


Out of the In-Between

by Keiko Kirin (sakana17)



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-12-08
Updated: 2003-12-08
Packaged: 2017-10-03 18:32:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakana17/pseuds/Keiko%20Kirin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>PWP. Daniel returns from a mission. Set in Season 7.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Out of the In-Between

The first thing Daniel said to him as he stepped off the escalator was, "Your hair's longer."

Jack ran a hand over his head. "Maybe a little. It's been three months." _Eighty-seven days, but who was counting?_

Daniel looked at him briefly, nodded, and walked over to the baggage carousel. Jack followed, observing and taking note. Daniel looked better than expected, considering. His hair was longer, too, and he could use a shave. Other than that, the same, just more subdued. They stood at the carousel watching suitcases collide with skis and duffel bags.

"Oh, I nearly forgot," Jack said, reaching into his inside jacket pocket. He handed Daniel the pair of glasses.

"Thanks." Daniel slipped them on, and looked more himself now. Except for the stillness.

Around them families loaded baggage carts, businesspeople pulled their bags up while having clipped conversations on cellphones, a woman reunited with a man, a man reunited with a woman and two kids. Jack slid his hands into his pockets and stared at the interlocking mats of the carousel, going around endlessly. Daniel stood next to him, staring at something else, something not here, and for a chilly moment Jack felt as if Daniel were becoming transparent. Becoming mist, and dissipating away, off to somewhere not here, without saying good-bye.

Jack rolled his shoulders to hide the shrug, hide the effort to shake himself out of this feeling. A battered oversized duffel bag dropped down the slide. Daniel reached out and picked it up. Jack lightly touched Daniel's back as they left the baggage claim area and headed for the parking lot.

On the phone, Daniel had been needlessly apologetic about not getting a direct flight. He started to mention it again as they reached Jack's truck, but Jack cut him off and waved it away. Denver International was easy enough to get to, and it wasn't blizzard season yet.

"So, how is everyone?" Daniel asked, fastening his seatbelt.

Jack turned on the ignition. "Fine. We're all fine." He left it at that until they'd cleared the short-term parking lot, navigated out of the airport, and were on the highway. "Carter and Teal'c wanted to come along, but I..." Jack hesitated. "I wasn't sure if you wanted... if you were ready... if, you know." He made a one-handed helpless gesture over the steering wheel.

"It's okay. You were right." Daniel's voice was more subdued, too. Slightly slower, maybe. Tired, which made it a bit lower. "Thanks," he said, mouth drying so that the word was caught on a breath and softened, almost intimate.

Jack glanced at him, and Daniel was leaning back in the seat, staring ahead. Maybe seeing the road, the mountains, the clear afternoon sky, or maybe seeing something else, something not here. Jack watched the road, casting about for things to say -- what tidbits from the past eighty-seven days might Daniel want to hear -- and they fell into silence for the next twenty miles or so. When Jack glanced over again, Daniel turned his head and gazed at him.

"Did you ever get that TV cabinet done?" Daniel asked.

Jack smiled a little, watching the road ahead and noticing as they passed a bent, rusted mile marker. The cabinet hadn't been nearly as complicated as the pictures-only instructions had made it look.

"Yep," he said. "It's sitting in the spare room. Looks nice. I thought maybe I could put another chair in there, make it the TV room."

Daniel didn't say anything. A few more miles passed, and they were at the point in the drive where Jack felt in-between. Neither Denver nor Colorado Springs for a little while, then the moment would pass.

Daniel said in the silence, "I thought about us getting together and going out, picking up some women and going somewhere..."

"You what?" Jack blurted out. He gripped the steering wheel and thought, if he were the type of person who couldn't control his reactions, he would have run them off the road. He shot a quick glance at Daniel, expecting one of his rarely seen sincere smiles, and the long-missed glint of teasing amusement in Daniel's eyes.

Daniel was watching the road. He shrugged a little. "I was... It was an awful place," he said. "I needed things to think about, things to hold onto. I realized I wanted us to do more together. That there's a kind of empty spot when we don't."

"Picking up women together?"

"Just hear me out." Daniel's voice had lost its weariness. He shifted around in his seat, and Jack wondered how he could ever have imagined him dissipating -- his physical presence was overpowering now. He was here: real, alive, the bulk of him, skin and hair and clothes and scent. The body of him, the person of him, right here and now.

"I wanted us to do things together," Daniel continued. "I thought of things, different things. Then I thought of... intimate things. Picking up women together, that was an intimate thing."

Jack shifted his jaw from right to left. "Yeah," he said slowly.

He noticed Daniel running his palms over his knees. Once, twice. "It was an interesting thing, really. I started to imagine it, and first I tried to picture the women, and what kind of woman you'd hit it off with. Then I was sitting across from you, watching you flirting with her, watching you smile at her, and lean over, whisper something in her ear, and sneak a kiss on her neck, and pull back with this secretive little smile..."

Jack frowned a little as he listened, picturing Daniel sitting at a table observing him through his glasses, eyes never leaving him, and he looked what? Disapproving? Approving? Was he enjoying it, silently egging Jack on?

"Jack, I never did manage to picture the women."

Jack was yet again thankful that he was able to drive and hear startling, unexpected things at the same time. Although he was pretty sure Daniel was observant enough to notice that he was gripping the steering wheel as if it were a snake he was trying to squeeze the life out of. He relaxed his fingers a little, took a breath, and focused on the road. They were out of the in-between area already. They were near Colorado Springs.

"So, you're saying... what, exactly?" he asked cautiously, quietly. As if, maybe if the words were spoken slowly and barely audible, the conversation wasn't completely real. However it ended wouldn't matter, because these moments were intangible, disappearing the instant they were born.

"I don't know," Daniel said, and he sounded genuinely at a loss, and Jack gripped the steering wheel again from the surge of disappointment that coursed through him. How could Daniel not know? Even he knew, and he'd only heard the secondhand description of Daniel's imagination.

Ah, but didn't he have a secret advantage there? His own imagination, which he had not allowed to get so vivid, which he had successfully diverted while telling himself there was nothing to divert. The trouble with lying to oneself was that one always knew the truth.

"Let me ask you something. These intimate things you thought about. How intimate were they? How far did you take it?"

"Jack."

"No," Jack said gently. "Tell me." In the silence which was Daniel's answer, Jack said, "That far, huh?"

"I watched you make love to her," Daniel admitted flatly. He had his right hand on the dashboard and was rubbing his thumb back and forth through the thin layer of dust. "I never saw her clearly, but still I... I saw."

Jack loosened his hold on the steering wheel and ran his hands along the edge, palms keeping the wheel straight. He watched the shadows stretch across the road as the afternoon deepened. They were getting so close to home now. The miles were disappearing.

"Was I any good?" he asked, trying to joke.

Daniel sighed. "Oh, goddammit," he said, not strongly. Some of the weariness had returned.

Jack watched an exit sign come and go. He had an urge to keep driving. Drive long enough and maybe reality would right itself, and these silences in the truck wouldn't have so much unsaid in them.

The miles passed. He searched for words. He didn't find them before they reached their exit.

When Jack turned off the ignition in front of Daniel's building, Daniel unclasped his seatbelt and looked out the passenger side window.

"So, they didn't sell it this time?"

"Of course not," Jack snapped, stronger than he had intended. Daniel wasn't even looking at him, didn't react, just reached in the back of the cab for his duffel bag.

"It was eighty-seven days," Jack found himself saying. "That's a damn long time."

"You've been gone-- We've both been gone for longer," Daniel pointed out, slipping into automatic matter-of-fact.

"The novelty of extended absences has worn off," Jack muttered.

Daniel had let go of his duffel bag, let it slip back to the floor of the truck. He stared at Jack. Jack glanced away and flicked at the dangling keychain, key still in the starter.

"Was it worse knowing I was still alive?" Daniel asked.

Jack jerked his head around too fast, pulled a muscle in his neck. He rolled one shoulder and winced, trying to work the muscle. "What kind of dumb-ass question is that?"

Daniel raised his eyebrows and got an eerie little almost-smile. "No, really, it's a valid question. There's more worrying knowing someone's alive. Knowing you can't help them. Waiting to hear the worst."

Jack rubbed his shoulder and neck. "First of all, with you, I'd like to point out that death hasn't exactly been final. Second of all, hell, how can knowing you're alive be worse than anything? And dammit, are you just going to sit there, or are you going to let me go up and get some ice or something?"

Daniel frowned. "Oh. Oh, sorry. Yes, of course. God, does it hurt that much? Can I help?" He reached over and made a try for Jack's neck, gave it a fumbling kind of pinch which didn't help but thankfully didn't make it worse. Jack winced anyway, and Daniel got out of the truck, grabbed his bag, and walked around as if to open the door for Jack.

Jack got out and thrust his keys in his pocket. "It's my neck, not my legs." He rubbed his shoulder again and followed Daniel inside. In the elevator, he handed Daniel the spare set of keys. Daniel took them with a short nod, then went back to watching the numbers change.

Daniel paused just inside his condo, looking around, scanning the place. Jack waited, could imagine how it felt. Then without a word, Daniel dropped his bag on the floor and went to the refrigerator and opened the freezer.

"Actually," Jack said, "I think heat would be better. Do you have a heating pad?"

"No... Wait, I still have those microwave things for my wrist." Daniel went through one of the crisper drawers in the fridge, saying to himself, "Have to clean that out... Throw that away..."

He found a gel pack, heated it up and held it out for Jack. Jack reached for it, but instead Daniel placed it at the curve where Jack's neck met his shoulder and pressed it down firmly.

"How's that?" he asked.

"Good. It's good," Jack said.

He looked at Daniel. Daniel looked at him. His hand was on the gel pack, rubbing a little. Jack rolled his shoulder. They were staring into each other's eyes. Jack wasn't sure he understood what he saw there, and couldn't guess what Daniel was seeing. He refocused, took another look, checking Daniel's face.

"Your hair grew, too," he said.

Daniel looked away and watched the gel pack as he moved it slowly against Jack's shoulder and neck. "Eighty-seven days," he said.

Jack touched his fingers lightly. "It's okay. It's better now."

Daniel frowned a little and glanced at him, a look of confusion, lost for a fraction of a moment before he said, "Oh," and removed the gel pack. He held it in his hand and looked down at it, then tossed it from palm to palm.

"We can do more stuff together," Jack said.

Daniel nodded.

Jack watched him, waited, and wasn't sure what he was waiting for. The choices they could make didn't seem real. They were part of that never-land, that never-time in the truck, in the in-between. The disappeared moment when Daniel had said, _I watched you make love to her_.

Jack touched Daniel's shoulder. He meant to clap it, but instead left his hand there, resting. Soaking up the overwhelming presence and solid mass. Daniel was here. Strong, warm body, alive.

"Hey, stop by sometime and see the TV cabinet. It's pretty impressive, if I do say so myself."

Daniel glanced up at him with a semi-smile. "Will do."

Jack squeezed Daniel's shoulder. Daniel's smile had faded, but his gaze was steady.

"Or..." Jack started. Stopped.

"Or," Daniel agreed, lifting his chin, taking a step closer, looking into Jack's eyes.

Jack squeezed his shoulder again. Control. He could control his reactions, not swerve wildly and kill them both. He took a deep breath.

"You know what you're saying now?" Jack asked.

Daniel's eyes searched his face. He nodded a little. "I think I always did, but was afraid to know. Sometimes knowing is worse." He licked his lips, and a sliver of gold afternoon sun gleamed along the curve of the lower.

"Like being alive is worse?" Jack splayed his fingers and rubbed Daniel's shoulder blade. Felt it move under fabric and skin.

Daniel closed his eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't..." He sighed and opened his eyes. "It was a dumb-ass thing to say."

Out of the in-between, into the here and now. Jack could let go. They could swerve off the road, whatever.

"Kiss me, Daniel." He said it like a command, which surprised him. Sort of. Not a harsh command, not a Daniel-get-your-butt-over-here-now command. A quiet command. The kind Daniel always listened to, always responded to.

Daniel touched his lips to Jack's. Softly moist. He breathed. Jack brushed his lips against Daniel's. Warm. Responsive. Pressing back gently.

Daniel touched his neck and held him, kissing him again, slower. It made his neck twinge, but Jack ignored it. He ran both hands over Daniel's shoulders and back, felt his muscles and bulk.

Next kiss, he tasted Daniel's tongue. Felt it push into his mouth, and stroke and swirl and taste him. He welcomed it, sucked it, touched it with his teeth. Daniel shivered and pressed closer, so they were body to body, a friction of clothes and weight and heat. Daniel reached under Jack's jacket and wrapped his arms around him in a squeezing embrace. Jack clutched his shoulders and thrust his tongue into Daniel's mouth, consuming his taste.

He smoothed his hands down Daniel's arms and back up. Rubbed the back of his neck and head and hair. Daniel's hands moved restlessly over him until they touched his skin under his shirt. He stroked Jack's back, reached to knead his shoulders.

They broke from the kiss. Daniel looked into his eyes. "How fast are we moving? Is this crazy?"

Jack smiled a little, swirling his fingertips in Daniel's hair. "Yeah, pretty crazy."

Daniel nodded once, furrowing his brow. His glasses were lopsided. "We should slow down, see how it goes. Figure out what's happening."

Jack lightly bumped his forehead against Daniel's and sighed. "And I was just thinking we should get naked."

Daniel drew back a little and stared at him, and his fingers grasped at Jack's skin. He swallowed hard. "Oh."

"Take me to bed, Daniel," Jack told him. Softly.

Daniel kissed him. Deeply, gorgeously. Then let him go, and took Jack's jacket and hooked it over a dining chair. He went to the bedroom, and stood in the doorway, waiting for Jack. Jack toed his shoes off and joined him, and they kissed in the doorway, and stripped there, and left their clothes in a tangle there, in between the living room and the bedroom.

Daniel switched on an overhead light and stood there, looking Jack over. Hard to tell from his expression whether he liked what he saw, but he reached out, skimmed his fingertips over Jack's arm and chest, down his stomach to his navel. The teasing touch went straight to Jack's balls, sent a shiver up the back of his neck.

Jack rested his palm on Daniel's chest, indulging in his first real look. Smooth skin, freckles here and there, the outlines of muscles. The wide bow of his thighs. Hairy legs. Pubic hair thick, and more reddish than Jack had imagined. His cock jutted out over heavy balls. Jack had an urge to touch it, cut straight to the chase and get him hard, get him off. Make Daniel feel. Ground him here and now. Seal his presence with sweat and breath and semen, like some ancient voodoo.

Then Daniel turned away, fingertips lingering on Jack's skin, moving from stomach to forearm to wrist, and Daniel went to the bed. Across his back was an X. Two ragged lines crossing from shoulders to waist. In the process of healing. They'd been deep.

Jack clenched his jaw. Of course, the sketchy report they'd gotten had mentioned some "physical signs," but it hadn't been specific. Jack scanned Daniel's body again, looking for more. Wondering what he was never going to be able to see.

Daniel sat on the bed, took off his glasses and set them on the bedside table. He stretched out and leaned back on his elbows.

"I guess they didn't tell you," he said, sounding tired.

Jack sat down next to his feet. "They didn't go into detail."

"Yeah. Well, I'd say it's not as bad as it looks, except I don't know how it looks." Daniel gave him that sick, morbid little smile Jack always associated with the antiseptic smell of the SGC infirmary.

Jack touched the arch of Daniel's foot with one finger. "It looks... like it's healing clean. Was that... all?"

Daniel nodded once, smile fading. He glanced away, toward the empty side of the bed. "I was lucky," he said, voice disappearing into a dry whisper with each word. He cleared his throat. "You've seen worse."

He looked at Jack then, a sharp, sudden gaze, and Jack realized he was using _seen_ as a substitute for _experienced_. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up, as if influenced by his self-consciousness. How many scars did he have now? He'd lost count.

Jack rested his hand on Daniel's foot and rubbed his ankle. "You know, when I said we should get naked, this wasn't exactly what I had in mind."

Daniel smiled a little, softening his look. About as close to a leer as Daniel was capable of, and Jack felt embarrassingly turned on by it. "Comparing old war wounds?" Daniel said. "What did you have in mind?"

Jack cocked an eyebrow and patted his ankle. "Oh, that was smooth." He scooted back and slid along the bed to stretch out on his side next to Daniel. "Very smooth."

Daniel shifted onto his side to face him. He touched Jack's arm, caressed it, and squeezed his upper arm. "Can we really do this?"

"Why not?" Jack rested his fingertips on Daniel's throat and felt the skin quiver with pulse.

"It's just, you know... odd." Daniel smiled a little, watching his hand slide over Jack's bicep, up to his shoulder, where he kneaded the taut muscles. "I mean, just because I had those intimate thoughts while I was there doesn't mean we have to..." He paused and ended, "...have to."

Jack glided his fingers up Daniel's throat, to his jaw, around his chin, rubbing the slight bristle. He touched his thumb to the valley just below Daniel's lower lip.

"Remember that time you told me you used to play rugby in college?"

"Yeah." Daniel's chin moved beneath Jack's thumb.

Jack tilted his head and shrugged with one shoulder. "I imagined you tackling me. Naked." He looked into Daniel's eyes. Daniel blinked.

"That's weird."

"You pictured me screwing a woman you couldn't see, and that wasn't weird?"

Daniel cocked his head from side to side. "Okay. Yeah. But... I mean..." He slid his hand down Jack's shoulder blade and the back of his arm, to his waist. "Is this what this is? What we're about? It's just about sex?"

Jack stared at him. "Does it seem like it to you?" He ran his fingers over Daniel's cheek, along the bone, to his temple, and combed them through his hair.

"No," Daniel said finally. "It doesn't. Maybe that's what scares me. It doesn't scare you?"

Jack smiled a little and rubbed the back of Daniel's head. "It petrifies me."

Daniel curved his hand to Jack's waist and held him as he leaned in to kiss him, long and slow and deeply. Jack rested his hand on Daniel's neck, stroking his hair, and welcomed and returned the kiss. They shifted closer until their bodies touched. One presence, one physicality, moving together with skin and hair and sweat.

Daniel's hands roamed over him, brushing, squeezing, exploring. Jack couldn't stop kissing him. Was already addicted to the sensation. He slid his fingers along Daniel's shoulders. He felt the slight ridges of the cuts and touched them carefully. Daniel made a soft noise and kissed him harder. Jack draped his leg over Daniel's. A fine burn spread where their skin rubbed together.

Daniel kissed his jaw and chin and drew back a little. "How's your neck?"

Jack looked at him and turned his head from side to side. "Not too bad."

Daniel's gaze travelled down, over his throat. He leaned in to kiss the sore spot. A deep, sucking kiss, as if trying to extract any pain. Jack tilted his head back and rocked against him. Heat shot from his neck and down his back, down his body, coursed over joints which had ached for far too long, and settled in his balls, made his prick rise.

He skimmed his fingers down Daniel's back, gentle over the cuts. Daniel moved against him, getting hard. Jack held his head and gave him a devouring kiss. Where Daniel touched him were patches of narcotic heat, seeping through his skin and muscle and sinew and bone. This was giving up control and swerving wildly; it intoxicated him.

Jack pushed his hips forward and rubbed his cock against Daniel's. Daniel curved one hand over Jack's ass, squeezed, and guided his motion. Jack kissed his neck and shoulder, tasted his sweat, and said, "I don't suppose you have any lube."

Daniel drew back a little, expelling a breath, and lifted his eyebrows. "Uh, well... You know that stuff that heats up? I, um, I have some."

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Something I should know about?"

Daniel's glance flicked away. His hand slid back and forth over Jack's ass. "I used it, uh, solo." He looked at Jack and frowned a little. "Why?"

Jack brushed his fingers through Daniel's hair and smoothed his other hand down Daniel's arm. He gazed at Daniel steadily, observed his frown fade, his eyes widen, his pupils dilate, the pulse in his neck jump, his lower lip curve inward as he licked it and bit it. Daniel flexed his fingers over Jack's skin, and his palm was sweaty. His cock twitched against Jack's. His chest rose and fell with each breath.

"Why?" he asked again, very soft and still, eyes searching Jack's face.

Jack shook his head a little. He gently touched the cuts on Daniel's back, rested his hands there. "Make love to me," he said.

Daniel took a breath, and another, and closed his eyes for a moment. He opened them and gazed at Jack, stared at something that was there, deeply there, beyond the surface. Jack just waited and let him look, let him see and know. It was liberating to be so exposed, when he'd imagined it to be the opposite. He'd imagined dread, not freedom.

"I think it will hurt," Daniel said, sliding back and reaching into the nightstand drawer.

"Doesn't matter." Jack lifted up on one elbow and smoothed his hand over Daniel's chest and stomach. He wrapped it around Daniel's cock and gave it a few loose strokes, enjoying its weight and restless throbs. He pulled his hand away slowly, letting it brush over Daniel's balls and down his thigh. Daniel sucked in a breath and released it.

"Maybe we're going too fast," he said. He poured lube over his fingers and looked at Jack.

Jack sat up and straddled his stomach. His balls rubbed against Daniel's skin. He looked down at Daniel and touched his hair and brow and cheekbone and jaw and lips. Daniel slid his palms up Jack's legs.

"Maybe," Jack said, shifting his weight from one knee to the other, trying to find the right balance.

Daniel's slicked fingers touched him, caressed him, moved back and forth in a rhythm not too slow, not too fast. Jack moved with them, tips of his fingers skimming Daniel's shoulders. Daniel licked his lips. His throat bobbed as he swallowed. Jack leaned forward as Daniel pushed two fingers in, paused, rubbed.

Jack clutched Daniel's shoulders and shifted his weight again. "Well," he said, "it seemed like a good idea at the time." He glanced at Daniel who stared at him in mild confusion. The ridiculousness of it all hit him: here he was, three hours after picking Daniel up from the airport, naked, in bed, in love, with Daniel's fingers up his ass. He laughed once, softly, shaking his head, and dug his fingernails into Daniel's skin as Daniel's fingers pushed deeper.

"Do you want me to stop?" The timing of Daniel asking that, just as his fingers pressed home and opened him, made Jack laugh again.

"You're freaking me out a little," Daniel said, and Jack sank lower and kissed the corner of his mouth. He rocked back to rub around and against Daniel's fingers. It hurt, it didn't hurt, he couldn't decide. Everything was happening at once.

He sat up again, and groaned softly from the mingled pain and pleasure. He shifted his weight from side to side. He ran his hands down Daniel's chest and felt the hard nubs of his nipples under his fingers. His cock was standing straight up, swollen and bumping against his belly.

Daniel stared at him, whispered something Jack couldn't catch, and shuddered beneath him. He took a few rapid breaths.

Jack rubbed his thumbs over Daniel's nipples. "Hey. If we're gonna do this, we gotta move. My knees can't take this."

Daniel nodded, swallowing hard. He slipped his fingers free and slicked them again. Jack stretched out on his back. Daniel ran his hand over his cock and knelt between Jack's thighs. Jack drew his legs back.

Daniel took a soft breath and stroked Jack's thighs. "I don't see how this is going to be better for your knees."

"In a few seconds, I won't be thinking about my knees," Jack said, shifting as Daniel arranged pillows and the crumpled bedspread around him. Daniel bent forward and kissed him softly. As Daniel drew back, Jack felt the tip of his cock and shivered. He angled his hips, and Daniel pressed inside. Slowly at first, then Daniel pushed a little more, and there was no slow possible. He gripped Daniel's arms, digging his fingers in.

"Oh holy..." The rest became a hiss as Jack focused on breathing. Breathing? Why should that be so hard? Daniel wasn't piercing his lungs. Daniel wasn't doing much of anything except stare at him, looking concerned and somewhat awestruck.

"Are you okay? Wait..." Daniel said.

Wasn't doing much of anything except be inside him. Daniel was inside him. Right here and now, his presence sealed. They'd swerved wildly, but it was okay. They were together, still together, and now, Jack thought, unable to resist the pun, they were absolutely stuck together. Thinking of puns was better than thinking about the pain, although in all honesty, it wasn't even as bad as he'd anticipated, and it was getting better. It still seemed faintly ridiculous and, yes, weird, but beyond that, the scary part was that it felt right.

Daniel touched Jack's hair with one hand, stroked it back, watching Jack intently. "I'll pull out," he said, gently apologetic.

Jack tightened his hold on Daniel's arms. "No." It came out as more of a command than Jack had thought it would. He loosened his grip and ran his hands along Daniel's shoulders. "That's not what I want. I want this."

Daniel sucked in a deep breath. "Okay." His voice faded to a whisper. He combed his fingertips through Jack's hair and managed an odd, soft smile. "I want this, too. I'm just trying not to want it so much that I lose control."

Jack caressed Daniel's arms, and shifted a little to rub his inner thighs against Daniel's sides. This was what he wanted. There was the bulk of Daniel, the body of him, held by Jack. Joined with Jack. Letting himself be held, be grounded.

"I'm not made of glass. I won't break," Jack said softly. Daniel caught one of hands and kissed his palm. Jack touched his lips, and Daniel moved over him, inside him.

He forgot the pain. Quickly. Not like it disappeared, but it wasn't relevant anymore. Everything at once, and that was the least of it. Daniel moved inside him, stroked inside him, drew back and pushed forth, and his whole body moved. And he watched Jack, naked unfamiliar expression on his face, except not really so unfamiliar after all, and he touched him. Touched his hair and face and cheek and shoulders. Rubbed the sore spot on his neck. Touched his thighs and rubbed his knees. Touched his chest, stomach, and cock. All the time moving, stroking, pushing in, drawing back, pushing in, moving.

Jack moved with him. Found it was easier, it felt better. Then it felt great, felt perfect, felt incredible to move with him, match each push with a thrust, answer each touch with his entire body responding.

Everything at once uncurled inside him, and spread through his skin and bones and blood. Made him hold Daniel tighter with his thighs, with his body, and touch the healing cuts on Daniel's back. Made him rock his hips faster and guide, then demand, Daniel's thrusts. Daniel pushed deeper, faster. Expelling surprised gasps of breath and half-words which Jack heard through his own pulse and moans. Daniel wrapped his hand around Jack's cock, stroked it and squeezed it and pumped it. Daniel jerking his cock, Daniel moving and pushing inside him, Daniel's breath and scent and heat and sweat. Everything at once, right here, now, and so right.

He dug his fingers into Daniel's shoulders and writhed wildly, thrusting hard into Daniel's hand, and when he came, the sensation hit so fast, so strong, he gripped Daniel to hold on. And kept holding him, and guiding him, and answering him until Daniel thrust hard, stilled, then rocked, moaning in his throat. Daniel's heat flooded him.

There was pain, then a deep, dull ache, when Daniel pulled out. They lay side-by-side until the sticky sweaty mess of their bodies began to lose its sexiness. Jack washed up first, and stretched out on the bed and listened to the water while Daniel showered. Daniel came back and sat at the foot of the bed, just looking at him for a while, and Jack felt comfortable under that look. It wasn't a look of something newly discovered. It was familiar, known, something that had always been there.

Jack patted the mattress, and Daniel slid next to him, wrapping his arm around Jack's waist. He kissed Jack's shoulder.

"How do you feel?"

Jack shrugged with the other shoulder and caressed Daniel's hand. "Like I don't want to go horseback riding any time soon." He glanced at Daniel. "I'm okay. You?"

Daniel nodded once and rubbed his check against Jack's upper arm. "I'm okay." He curled closer, sliding one leg between Jack's. Jack combed his fingertips through Daniel's hair.

"I can't believe we did this," Daniel said. He paused and looked at Jack. "You could get discharged for this."

Jack brushed the short hairs on the back of Daniel's neck with his thumb. "Only if someone finds out, and I don't plan on waltzing into the SGC and making an announcement. 'Hey, everyone, I'm suddenly gay and doing the wild thing with Doctor Jackson.'"

Daniel skimmed his fingers over Jack's chest hair and was silent for a moment. "'Suddenly gay'? Is that what we are?"

"Oh, I don't know." Jack ran his hand down Daniel's arm. "I've had thoughts about men before, nothing specific. I never did anything about it."

Daniel paused, then murmured, "Like getting tackled naked?" and kissed Jack's ear.

"You're not going to forget that, are you?"

"Not in a million years."

Jack sighed in pretend annoyance. "Then to clarify, _you_ were naked. Okay, I guess I was, too. Anyway. What about you?"

Daniel frowned a little and stroked Jack's chest. "I don't know. Do teenage crushes count?"

"Sure, why not?"

Daniel kissed Jack's shoulder, kissed the fading sore spot on his neck, and tightened his embrace a little. "I guess this means we'll do more stuff together."

Jack kissed his forehead. "I guess so."

He looked at Daniel, and Daniel looked him. For a long moment, before they kissed softly, then kissed again, slower. Then drew back, and Daniel said, "I'm hungry," and in between making out they decided on dinner.

Later, a little before four o'clock in the morning, there was frost on the windshield of his truck. Jack sat idling for a while, not minding the cold so much, but already missing Daniel's heat. He drove through the deserted streets, taking the long route.

He still felt Daniel's touch on his skin, Daniel inside him. Still tasted Daniel's flesh and breath and sweat. Daniel's presence was here and now, grounded and embedded where he could never fade, never become mist.

(the end)


End file.
